Who I Am

I’ll be honest. I struggle sometimes with being called a christian.

I suppose it could be the struggle of any label for any community. Even as the word “diversity” is taking a bit of a beating these days, the fact is that we are, on so many levels, diverse. Everyone is unique and different and, even when we are united in our beliefs, ideology, culture or any other arbitrary metric, or we simply conform, labels never fully describe any community.

Sure.

That being said, christian carries a lot of baggage. That baggage includes a history of hurt, abuse and just evil behaviour that is the complete antithesis of Christ. Jesus’ heart has been broken so many times. And still is.

That baggage also includes great acts of kindness and grace, care for the sick, the poor and the homeless, and courageous acts of resistance to injustice, even standing for the rights of all human beings and the creation in which we live. Jesus’ heart must be bursting with joy so many times. And still is.

Hmm. So it’s tricky. How will we know what kind of christian we are?

“Love one another,” Jesus says. “Just as I showed you how to love, so you should love each other. That’s how people will know that you are from me.” (John 13:34-35)

These aren’t warm, fuzzy words of niceness and comfort, they’re a challenge to change the way we live. Jesus’ life shows us what we’re capable of: love. I know the words aren’t there in the stories, but I imagine Jesus frequently telling the disciples, and anyone who would listen, “if I can do it, so can you.” The same divine spirit and earthy humanity that’s in Jesus is in all of us - Jesus was trying to show us how to reconnect with that spirit, with the energy of the earth and each other. That’s the point: we are capable of love, just like Jesus.

Jesus never said we should make people behave a certain way (our way), Jesus never said that we should control people or tolerate them. He said we should love them, just as he loved us. If a so-called “belief” hurts people, denies them basic human rights, dignity and respect or disempowers them, it’s not Jesus and it’s not the spirit of God and it’s not love. When Jesus loved, he challenged those things. He lived love and challenged hate, he lived love and treated all with dignity and respect, he lived love and brought healing to brokenness, he lived love and empowered people to live true to their hearts, trusting that they would come to see the good there.

Maybe our first mistake - our original sin, if you like - was to tie “christian” to traditions and flawed interpretations that didn’t grow with knowledge and understanding, to religion,  rather than Jesus, to what we made of Jesus rather than Jesus’ own story. The Jesus who loved. And loved and loved.

We make mistakes. God knows, and Jesus never demanded perfection. He only offered more encouragement and more love. Look who Jesus chose to be his closest companions. He didn’t choose “holy” men or women. He chose ordinary people, flawed and weak people who made mistakes. Very human mistakes.

Let people know who you are. Love like Jesus.

That's How You Know

Whose voice should you listen to?

It’s not my place to tell you. It’s not really anyone’s: you should discern that for yourself.

I have a few thoughts, though, that might help.

Please don’t just hear the loudest voice and go with that. There’s a lot of shouting going on right now, much of it in anger with a side of hate, so please, take a moment and listen. Listen for the quiet, calm voices, too. They’re much harder to hear and, quite frankly, we’re not always as good at listening as we are at shouting out an opinion.

Bishop William McGrattan, President of the Canadian Conference of Catholic Bishops has described the new Pope, Leo XIV, as “a person who listens first before speaking.” Be like the Pope.

That doesn’t mean voices are more trustworthy or true just because they’re quieter. We need to be discerning and - this is super important - curious. Listen to people’s stories, ask questions, be discerning and find out what’s true. Get to know them. Bishop McGrattan described the Pope that way on the basis of meeting him numerous times in a setting where that skill would be critical.

That curious and discerning part is so important. 

In John’s Gospel, there’s a scene in the temple when Jesus describes himself as a shepherd, a shepherd who cares for his sheep and protects them and the sheep know his voice. He gets into an argument with a group of people in the temple who demand to know if he’s the Messiah. “If you’re the messiah, tell us plainly,” they say. Jesus replies “I have, but you don’t hear me. My sheep hear me because they know my voice.”

That just seems to infuriate them more and they’re tempted to stone him. But I think Jesus’ point is simply this: the people who “know” his voice haven’t just listened, they’ve seen what he’s done. They’ve been discerning about his words, seen that he’s living them, and found the love, kindness, compassion and grace in his actions matches his words. They’ve seen him engage people and build relationships, recognized the authenticity of his teaching and found it to be true. 

Maybe if the crowd put their stones down, they could too.

But see, here’s another thing.  Just like those questioning Jesus in the story, we so often listen to react and reply more than to learn and grow. They were ready to stone Jesus, probably even before he finished speaking, because he answered their question and they didn’t like the answer. It was contrary to everything they already knew and were conditioned to believe. It challenged them and disturbed them in ways that moved them to reject it without consideration.

So stop clenching that rock so hard, relax and open your heart and mind, Jesus might say to us. Open your eyes as well as your ears, experience what I’m doing, be discerning. Get to know me better.

Could we all try that?

The Grace of Space

For the longest time, one of my favourite bible stories has been the one we traditionally call “The Conversion of Paul.” I have a bit of an issue with the name, but first, the story.

If you’re not familiar, it appears in the Book of Acts, chapter 9. The earliest followers of Jesus are in trouble with the Jewish authorities - there’s “a severe persecution” of them, according to the author of Acts - and Saul of Tarsus has been rooting them out and arresting them. On his way to Damascus, looking for “any who belonged to the Way,” Saul experiences a bright light around him and hear’s the voice of Jesus ask why he’s persecuting him. He’s blinded for three days, after which he receives a visit from a disciple, Ananias, who has a vision of Jesus and is sent so that Saul “may regain your sight and be filled with the Holy Spirit.” It’s a few more chapters before we hear him called Paul, but this is where his new journey begins.

I’ve simplified the story a lot, but I think we do have a tendency to reduce it even further. Which is where the Saul/Paul thing comes in. I grew up with this being a “Saul bad, Paul good” story, made that way by a moment with Jesus. Saul, the villain, sees the light and instantly becomes a Saint. Literally.

But Paul is just the Romanized version of the Jewish name Saul. In the Jewish community, he would have been Saul, but travelling around the Roman-controlled Mediterranean, especially in gentile communities, he would have been called Paul. It’s the same guy. More or less, Or more. I’ll come back to that.

The name thing helps bolster the divide between the villainous Saul and the righteous Paul. Except, from a different perspective, Saul isn’t a villain. He’s a devout Jew who passionately - okay, maybe too passionately, even zealously - stands up for his traditions and faith. When the Jewish authorities perceive the followers of Jesus as a threat to their own way, they want to root them out and end it. So they send Saul to do that. He let that zealousness for law and tradition turn to hate, perhaps, and his own faith turned away from love in his actions, but in his heart, I think Saul thought he was doing what was right to protect what he believed.

Here’s the thing for me. I’ve liked the story because, knowing it that black and white, good and bad way, I always figured that, if Jesus could do that with someone like Saul, then he shouldn’t have any trouble with me. I’m no Paul, and I’ll have no ministry to rival his, but I figured Jesus could easily make me more well, godly, and make me a better person and a better representative of The Way.

That’s not what happens in the story, though. I don’t think Jesus makes Saul anything.

I think Jesus offers Saul grace. Not just the grace of forgiveness, but the grace of space: time, even just a few days, in which to choose a different road. In his truest heart, Saul was a child of God, made in love, in the image of God. Jesus offered him grace to see that he was blinded by his devotion to religion, and the space to choose to open his eyes to love. Grace that allowed Saul to choose to be more.

Saul was already filled with the Spirit. Now it was time to let it out in love. We are, too, and it’s not up to Jesus - or any other religious figure or religion to make us. We need to participate. We need to realize that God offers us the grace to choose.

Laughing With God

You can have a sense of humour in church. Sometimes, you have to. Really.

There’s even a long-standing tradition of the Sunday after Easter being Holy Humour Sunday. In the early days of the church, the week after Easter was observed as a time of joy and laughter with parties and carnivals, full of practical jokes and fun, to celebrate Jesus’ resurrection. They called it Bright Week, and the custom came from the idea of some early church theologians that God played a joke on the devil by raising Jesus from the dead. Easter was God’s supreme joke played on death - they called it the risus paschalis in latin: “the Easter laugh.”

Maybe early church theologians were trying to find a new path to joy. Perhaps we need that, too.

Maybe it can seem like church has no sense of humour because people often find themselves there searching for something that seems far removed from joy. We could be looking for comfort in our grief, strength when we’re struggling, affirmation when we feel marginalized and alone. 

Maybe it just seems like church has no sense of humour sometimes because we're looking at the institution and not the people. Just like people sometimes seem to think they know what church is all about even though they've never been. Church has a lot of baggage, both for itself and for those that have no real experience of it.

Maybe we're confusing a sense of humour - the universal giving of  joy, laughter and light-heartedness - with what we, personally, have judged to be funny. Or not. Then we might judge it to be dismissive, inappropriate and disrespectful.

It's funny, really, that we're often just as judgemental about how we communicate the message of God's love as we are about how people are living it out. And I don’t mean funny in a humorous way.

The first Easter Day wasn’t full of joyful alleluias, it was full of fear and doubt, maybe some wonder, at best. I think that’s why the author of John’s gospel thought it was so important to make an example of Thomas. Thomas, the story goes, doubted Jesus was alive when the others told him because he hadn’t been there to see it. Jesus later appears to him as well (and many others) but reminds us all that “Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe.”

Sure. But what if Thomas already believed. That’s why he wasn’t there, he was out telling everyone about Jesus, just like Jesus told them to. He was already making sure Jesus was alive. What if he thought the others were pranking him and he made fun of their fear and their lack of belief because they were hiding rather than boldly sharing the story of Jesus with others. That could be a funny story for Bright Week, couldn’t it?

Later, on Pentecost the story goes, everyone around the disciples heard them speaking in their own languages. Isn't that really what we're seeking, a way to communicate the message that speaks to people in a way that they find most understandable, relevant and meaningful?

Maybe the road to true joy in our faith needs laughter as much as tears. “A good God-themed joke,” to quote singer Regina Spektor (in “Laughing With”), can bring comfort as well as joy, relief to tension and anxiety, maybe even a little more openness to faith in a heart full of doubt. After all, real faith isn't about believing without question, it's about believing enough to question more, to seek deeper truth and find deeper love.

Signs of Life

We’re surrounded by symbols. Everything from emojis to icons, traffic signs, logos and flags. Good ones can convey a very specific meaning. Sometimes, like the words they may be replacing, they might come to have alternate meanings or come to represent a legacy that we may or may not wish to remember.

The church is full of symbols. Lots of them have specific meanings, some are even particular to a certain church, denomination or faith. Some have very personal meanings, some more universal understanding. Some, all of the above.

Our church has a rainbow sidewalk. It also has doves here and there, hearts, fish, angels, a turtle, candles, handprints, stones, pine cones, sheep and a variety of other symbols, all of which have their own meaning. Sometimes they can mean much more than just one thing.

And a cross.

Universally recognized and deeply personally held, the cross has been the primary symbol of Christianity since the second century. It has come to be understood by Christians as representing God’s act of love in the sacrifice of Jesus in death and the victory of Christ over death in his resurrection.

I guess. It does seem to carry a lot of baggage, and struggle with its image a lot.

For me, every Easter I wonder a little about the symbol of my faith being an instrument of a very torturous, agonizing death at the hands of a ruthless oppressor. That’s what it was, in Jesus’ day, a very public, very painful means by which an empire struck fear into the hearts of those it had conquered. The story of Good Friday is brutality, pain and death and there can be no Easter resurrection story without it.

I understand that may be the very thing that redeems it as a symbol, but I also believe that Jesus was all about life and I wonder if there aren’t better symbols for that. While some may choose to focus on the atoning sacrifice and the defeat of death, I find what brings me closer to God is how Jesus shows us life, even before the new life of resurrection. For me, that resurrection moment just affirms that the same divine spirit alive in Jesus is alive in me. And you. And everyone. That’s how Jesus is alive and how we are, too.

So maybe, at Easter, we might also consider some other symbols of our faith. Symbols that might remind us that Jesus’ life itself is an example of living love the way that God wants us to live - live, not die - and that divine love is in all of us. Shouldn’t the symbol of Easter, for example, be the empty tomb, not the instrument of Jesus’ death?  How about the rising sun of Easter morning or the spring flowers of the garden around the tomb?  How about the butterfly who’s new life comes from the shadow of the cocoon? Why not eggs, even chocolate ones, and a lively, rambunctious bunny?

Those symbols are all around us in God’s creation, reminders of God’s love in our every day. Human hands made the cross. Perhaps they should let it go and embrace the light of a new day.

Make Some Noise

I think I’ve always felt a little conflicted about Palm Sunday.

Holy Week, the one time in the story of Jesus when you can actually follow him day-to-day for seven days, begins with Palm Sunday, a celebration of his arrival in Jerusalem. Things turn darker pretty quickly before the celebration of the resurrection the following Sunday. And if you don’t follow the story through the week, it can easily feel just like that, celebration to celebration. Read the story.

But, back to Palm Sunday.

That story’s covered in all four gospels, with some varying details, but basically I think we tend to tell it in a similar fashion to the Christmas story: we conflate the four stories into one basic narrative. Jesus’ disciples get him a colt, the foal of a donkey, from town. He rides it into Jerusalem from the direction of the Mount of Olives. That fulfils an ancient prophecy from Zechariah that the Messiah will arrive this way. The crowd cheers for Jesus, shouting hosanna and waiving branches from palm trees, which they also throw on the ground in front of him along with their cloaks to form a “red carpet” suitable for a king. The story is often titled “Jesus’ Triumphal Entry Into Jerusalem.”

When I was a kid, growing up in a “high church” anglican setting, it was a solemn and serious occasion. We processed around the cathedral singing hymns and carrying our huge palm branches on our shoulders. As I got older and worked as a musician in churches, I remember how often the procession became a parade, an opportunity to connect the story to children by giving them palms to wave and songs to sing and hosannas to shout. It was busy and noisy, a great party. Jesus arrives in triumph, after all.

Later, I began looking at the stories more closely. And one of these is not like the others.

The way the Gospel of Luke tells it may surprise you. It’ll certainly disappoint you if you’re looking for palm branches and hosannas, the mainstays of the event, because there aren’t any.

The way Luke tells it, Jesus sends disciples for the donkey and he rides it in from the Mount of Olives, but it’s all very much planned that way. It’s not coincidental that it fulfills the prophecy, Jesus sets it up to be seen that way. And yes, “the whole multitude of the disciples began to praise God joyfully with a loud voice for all the deeds of power that they had seen,” but there are no hosannas. There’s plenty of cloaks to make a carpet, but no palm branches and, most important of all, the Temple authorities, the Pharisees, are on hand and demand that Jesus tell his follows to cut it out. But Jesus says that “if these were silent, the stones would shout out.”

The stones would shout out. 

I wonder if Luke sees this less as a celebration, a triumph, and more a pointed reminder of what Jesus has really been about: healing and restoring the lost and broken, shouting down injustice and speaking up for the marginalized who’ve lost their voice, crying out for the grieving and challenging the status quo, challenging what the pharisees and oppressive rulers have - and haven’t - done. These are “the deeds of power” the crowd is shouting about.

Voices raised against oppression, injustice, hate, cruelty and indifference will not be silenced. These voices make change happen. Follow Jesus lead and use your voice. Don’t leave it to the stones.

Are We Being Short With Them?

I don’t suppose Zacchaeus is a very common name. If you’ve heard it, it’s probably from church and you might even know a song about him from Sunday School. His story makes for a catchy Sunday School song.

If you’re not familiar, the gospel of Luke tells that Jesus was passing through Jericho and a guy named Zacchaeus, who’s the the local “chief tax collector and was rich,” comes out to see him with the rest of the crowds. Jesus meets him and invites himself over to his house for supper, something which upsets the crowd, of course. Tax collectors are reviled by everyone. (No offence to Canada Revenue Agency who are very nice people please don’t audit me.) 

But then, Zacchaeus joyfully declares that he’s giving away half his fortune to the poor and paying back - y four times as much! - anyone he might have over taxed. Jesus responds that “salvation has come to this house” because Jesus has come to seek and save the lost. Mission accomplished. The end.

Except. There’s some added detail to consider. First of all, Zacchaeus gets a name, something that doesn’t often happen when Jesus meets people. More often than not, they’re “the rich man” or “the blind man” or “the lepers” or even “a Samaritan.” This seems more personal. Zacchaeus means “innocent” or “pure,” by the way.

And he’s short. “He was trying to see who Jesus was, but on account of the crowd he could not, because he was short in stature. So he ran ahead and climbed a sycamore tree to see him, because he was going to pass that way.”

Wait. What?

It may seem silly, but, more often than not, the gospels tell stories with a certain economy of detail. In fact, one of my favourite things to do is try to figure out how what’s missing in the story might help us understand it better or at least give us another avenue to explore. But this time, it’s the opposite. Why do we need to know he’s short and has to climb a tree to see Jesus? And what’s with the name? He’s a tax collector, isn’t that all we need to know? After all, tax collectors are a special enough kind of sinner to get their own reference: how often do we see “tax collectors and sinners” as the people Jesus hangs out with?

Here’s a thought. Maybe it’s not about being able to see, but rather be seen. By Jesus. As the chief tax collector, Zacchaeus would have been known well enough by the community, but being of diminutive stature would have helped him hide a bit. Being in a tree, though, would have made it not only easier to see Jesus, but for him to be seen by Jesus. And it works, of course.

He’s also seen by everyone else, though, and the crowd’s not happy about Jesus going to his house for supper. Not only is Zacchaeus not intimidated - either by the crowd or Jesus - he has an announcement to make. He wants both Jesus and the crowd to know he’s turning away from sin and Jesus is happy to accommodate him. Maybe he’s a better man than we think. Maybe Jesus knows it, too.

And here’s the thing: we sure know what the crowd thought of Zacchaeus before, but we don’t get to see if their view of him was changed by this moment of embracing Jesus. This is where the story ends. Jesus came “to seek out and save the lost,” says Luke. But what happens next? 

Maybe that’s for us to wonder about. To wonder, not just at Jesus’ compassion and care for the lost, but at our own. Are we open to offering grace to someone turning their life in a new direction? Are we willing to offer mercy, compassion and, most importantly, space for someone who was lost and is finding their way to their true self.